It is not the exact same thing as confrontation when you are suffering from abuse

Many victims of sexual and/or physical abuse feel the need for someone to talk to them like Renew Wellness Recovery. Talk to the perpetrator. He did not do the right thing. It was hurtful and did extensive harm.

It would be incredible empowering, I think. The only thing that could come out of this is more anger and denial. This could be very traumatizing. It is difficult to resist such responses. A confrontation could be a way to show remorse or repair the relationship. This would be everyone’s ideal, where the perpetrator would have an opening and softening, and a chance to apologize. A survivor might be able, in a new way to let go of the perpetrator and experience the new responsiveness within the other.

It was impossible for me to have this chance because my father was already dead when I first remembered what he did. But my mother was still here. When my mother was diagnosed with colon cancer, which we knew was fatal, I had to make a decision about whether to confront or allow her tacit collusion. I chose to allow it to be. It felt like a mixture cowardice-wiseness. I was imagining her as a cowardice, but she could easily deny it or minimize it. How could you accuse them of such a thing?” He loved and cared for you.” Or, “Oh, that was him just being a guy.” “But it didn’t really hurt you – see, I grew up fine.”

My therapist asked me what wisdom I could gain. In my dream, I stated that my mother would accept the reality of the abuse. It would be an acknowledgment of her pain. She’d comfort me, and she would apologize. She’d be like a loving, protective mother.

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